beautifulend | IMEEJI IC INBOX

[ blink. blink.

their expression is just befuddlement, for once in their life. it is actually just completely shocking that someone would have sex with them because they're important to them? ]

I thought it was because you needed comfort.

D-- do you think I'm so-- easy, that I would do something like that just for--

[ visibly deeply mortified, and after a long moment of hesitation she pushes herself up to stand, taking a step away from the bed. ]

Just for comfort? When have I ever needed anyone's comfort by letting them touch me?

It - it is hardly a matter of easiness, as if something like that matters at all anyway...and comfort is an important thing, nonetheless...

[ they look back down into their cup, ears flattening. ]

I...don't know. Because I don't know you half as well as I should like. My apologies.

It does-- I can't--

[ shoulders hunched, arms crossed over her stomach, self-conscious. she looks like she's about to say something else-- then stops, sucking in a shuddering breath, and getting her tone of voice under careful control. ]

... no. It doesn't matter. This isn't about me, anyway. My apologies, for going off like that.

[ stupid. this is stupid. why are they even here right now, allowing themself to be fussed over? even the girl wouldn't allow that, so why should the beast? well - ]

You're important too, Cypress!

I sincerely don't want to be the focus of anyone's attention right now when you're here wearing bones you weren't before, acting strangely, and having just returned from falling from heaven.

I don't want to talk about me-- or my stupid, self-inflicted horrible day, or whatever you think I was doing by allowing myself to be touched by you, or anything like that, because it truly isn't important. I invited you here because I wanted to see you, Silfda. Maybe to try to help, if you wanted it. Give you anything you might have wanted, too. This isn't about me.

Most of my horrible days are just as self-inflicted. Especially the past few.

I jumped because I wanted to die, Cypress.

And did you? Are you satisfied?

Obviously not. I'm still here, aren't I? Just like always, it never ends.

[ quiet for a long moment. ]

That's a-- crap way to want to die.

Should I try honourably in battle? I've done so thousands of times before, for thousands of years. It never worked, either. I was hoping stepping out on something that's at least somewhat my own terms would do anything.

[ tenses-- offended and ashamed in the same measure, clear on her face, but doesn't move.

nor does she speak, apparently unable to find anything to say. ]

Cypress, with all due respect - you're too young. Almost everyone here is. As I said, sometimes all you need to do is be there for someone. And I deeply, deeply appreciate that you're here for me.

But that's the most you can do. My problems aren't ones anyone should be burdened with. Even from the point of view where I'm a human girl and not a beast and a weapon, well, it's still best to let sleeping dogs lie. There's only one thing that will save me, and that is my purpose. Everything else is temporary. It always has been. That doesn't mean it's not important - those temporary moments of happiness mean the world to me, because I can forget for a second what's to come.

You - you haven't been around as long, and you won't last as long. Your moments of happiness are more important, Cypress. And if that doesn't help you understand, understand this: my problems bring me misery. Dwelling on solving the unsolvable is painful. So I'd rather focus on what I can do, not what I have done. And what I can do is help the people around me to live, laugh, and be merry. That is what I am for.

Everyone deserves to be loved, and I was made to provide that love. And I do love you, Cypress, more than many others. So - speaking with you, spending time with you, learning about you, caring about even your pettiest, most self-inflicted troubles - that is what brings me happiness. Not being worried over when I've violated an order from my Master and damned myself for the third time in all of the time I've existed.

Edited 2021-01-08 03:37 (UTC)

I don't-- enjoy burdening other people with my problems, either, and I don't enjoy talking about them.

It is not a burden!

Edited 2021-01-08 04:12 (UTC)

It-- doesn't feel that way for me.

Well - I -

I want a hug.

[ ah

hesitates, a moment... then sort of sags, tiredly, but moves forward to hug them in the same motion. ]

[ they pull her close, onto the bed, and hug tightly. ]

Sorry.

[ shifts a little to settle back on the bed with them, head against their shoulder. ]

... it's fine. You don't have to apologize.

Have to? No. But I should.

There's no reason to.

There is. I have been terribly careless with you.

[ lightly shakes her head. ]

It's not your fault I-- deluded myself. You didn't do anything wrong.

Deluded yourself into what?

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